Відео

Dude you took 2 minutes to even get into the video. Terrible.

I wish yoid do a video about the people narcissists use while they're trying to get their supply back... and how damaging and abusive they become if those people get in the way of their supply comong back. When you meet a narcissist, you dont always know where you are in the supply chain.

What if they don't have aggressive parents

I went through a breakup. I practiced the No Contact rule unintentionally (just out of principle) because I had never heard of it. After a month (today) they've called telling me how much they miss me. It's true, thiis method works.

While the avoidant takes cero responsibility and acts like a stubborn little child, the partner is supposed calculate and think and scheme about how to get him/her back? This doesnt sound healthy

Thanks

I understand attachment styles can change as my sister was a fearful avoidant now a dismissive avoidant because she has stage 4 cancer. She is in a very emotional place, no one understands her. She doesn’t want to hear about other people’s problems as she has too much to cope with. To see the change in her personality and to know why might help people understand the isolation caused by sheer will and the fight for self autonomy she needs to function. We all need people but behind the dismissive avoidant is an anger that is so unbearable to be around. I had to break up with my dismissive avoidant boyfriend to care for her and it hurt to know I was always the one making the first move for closeness. After this I feel I never want to make the first move again. It’s things like this that make you realise to leave people alone when there is nothing you can do. With my sister I make her day go as smoothly as I can, but get called “controlling” because I am leaving no room for her own autonomy. It is worse because I hear back from family members first as to how she views me as she doesn’t communicate with me. A real stone waller. These attachment style video’s I used to watch for my “romantic” relationships are so much closer to home than people realise. You keep going back to what you know.

Don't try anything just be yourself chill out and go with the flow. Good friendships and contacts flow automatically. When you have deeper contact with someone long-lasting friend eventually there will be some discussions and some challenging conversations and confrontations yes. Don't try if you want to be in touch with someone you haven't seen for a long time and you intuitively feel it's okay to send a message just send a message, and see what happens if you meant to be in touch with a person that person will respond. No complicated strategies are ever needed ❗❗❗❗

7 th day of no contact, hope I'll make it, send me prayers and some tips that helped you .

Or… just leave them to it and tell them they can look you up when they’ve learnt to understand and manage their emotions like a grown up 🤷‍♀️

I loved this vid. The music did it for me hahah

I’m in no contact but still haven’t had my things given back I offered to pick them up but was hit with excuses and apparently she has posted them a month on and I still haven’t had them what do I do?

I’m a fearful avoidant and I feel like a super feeler and I have tons of empathy ESPECIALLY when I am with someone that is avoidant. Working on healing this attachment style because it really is difficult to deal with including depression and anxiety. EFT Tapping , therapy and Pauline Timmer’s videos have helped

It seems like we always have to be understanding of avoidants and coddle them, walk on eggshells and tend to them with kid gloves, it’s exhausting, steadily sacrificing yourself for them when they should seek help.

And after all that, you’ll still sacrifice yourself just to be in their life, it’s just not worth it, it’s to much energy to deal with and you (we) are not therapists.

Everyone has developed trigger points, but not everyone reacts negatively or passively aggressively to them. A securely attached person learns about trigger points of others and tries to respect them, by not consciously triggering others, unless they are made to walk on eggshells by an avoidant! An insecurely attached person keeps triggering others esp. after learning about them, while hiding behind their own emotional stonewall, from where they cannot see even their own trigger points, and thus get triggered at the drop of a hat! Most passive aggressive people are avoidants, and use stonewalling and other tactics to consciously trigger others, not knowing the pendulum swings both ways, until they stop it! Secure people let the Avoidants play their game and lose it by ultimately losing them! Secure people solve problems by corrective behaviour, not hide behind stonewalls.

Just a simple question: if you are anxiously attached, why on earth would you like to have your avoidant ex back???

Been in no contact for close to a year now. I still think about her most days and miss her, but I don't think she'll ever reach out at this point. Avoid avoidants is my best advice, they will likely shatter your heart.

Beast = Might Makes Right human = by our agreement

By the way I think you look good❤️

narcissist sees others as territory psychopath sees others as food sadist sees others as toys

Beauty = Control

Two weeks ago we were having some disagreements my significant other says, i am done with this tonight, i will talk to you later. But instead of doing so, he hasn't responded to calls or texts. And didn't come to see me before heading overseas to take care of an already planned family matter

Clickbait - Misleading title. No 5 attractive habits given

Inshort avoidant people are toxic

This graph looks exactly like the cycle of abuse in relationships

Huge work...better let them go

Im guilty

yes they are a collapsed narcissist

Very good video!!

👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

Sometimes i wonder if pride and ego is in the mix of this fearful avoidant world. I guess it interferes with their healing?

As an avoidant (possibly disorganized though, because I've definitely been anxiously attached too, idk if that qualifies me for disorganized), seeing all of these negative comments are lowkey hurtful. I'm self-aware and have been trying to heal for years now with little luck (though I'm only 21 and still have hope). My point is, not all avoidants are monsters and I'm sure that there's a lot who are self-aware and are actively trying to change. The generalization hurts though. But I guess this might be comparable to the "not all men" controversy so when I look at it from that perspective I understand.

So your shtick is more about accommodating the issue to reap the benefits of manipulating an unstable person. You must gain a lot of praise for teaching people to be the equivalent of a male psychologist in the sixties.

What if you have a co parenting arrangement with the avoidant? Can i still execute no contact?

I’m on a break right now and it’s been a month on no contact.. fml

Secure attachment is just being hapky with urself and being kind and giving space for someone (women) to be crazy and come down .

No contact worked for me and my ex came back

That's what makes it hard to let go. We were sold on this person loving us and that we have found the perfect partner. Knowing their love wasn't a lie but that the trauma will not allow them to tear down that wall to really let you in and become vulnerable. So close, yet so far away. No matter how much you try to prove your love its never enough.

The video and content was awesome, thank you. I think i may not agree with the end of the video. if an avoidant is listening to their gut, it is almost always coming from a place of fear which is driving their decisions and motivations.

I’ll have to disagree with the end of the video. if an avoidant is listening to their gut, it is almost always coming from a place of fear which is driving their decisions and motivations.

You can't change an avoidant. They have to go into therapy.

Having just managed to get out of a toxic relationship with a narcissist and having read and listened to endless hours of descriptions of narcs, there are many overlapping traits between avoiding partners and folks with narcissistic personalities. My advice : Get out….. !

I am an avoidant and I am not an awful person we are not awful selfish narcissistic people not all of us I have become like this due to being traumatized and severely abused I have been injured so badly in my life by men and by other people in my life but yes by men I'm not willing to humiliate myself anymore and embarrass myself and seem desperate and put myself out there for stuff that I'm not sure is going to come back to me at all or come back equally and then also embarrass myself in the meantime Also a lot of us are unbelievably uncomfortable in this level of vulnerability especially if we are not sure that we are going to be treated well at all times and everything will be reciprocated and that things will be equal And those are our negotiating deals and if that's what we get then we can be completely different but if we don't get that or we are unsure that that is what we are going to get then yes these things we put into place to protect ourselves please don't make us out to be bad people not all of us are bad people or narcissist I I am a very good person I am just I am just very afraid of being hurt and or embarrassed and humiliated I'm doing everything I can to protect myself from past experiences that I've had where I let my walls down and bad things happened and things were definitely also not reciprocated These are the things we fear And so we have found ways to protect ourselves But everybody's just saying we're bad people and you know not every avoidant is a bad person or a narcissist Also I suffer from social anxiety and depression and other mental illnesses so there could also be other underlying things going on with some of these people like myself so please before you just say we're all bad selfish narcissistic people please don't put us all in the same bucket like that because that's just not true I'm not a bad person we're not all just bad people

They act one way in public, evil in private.

They are not avoidant there are sneaky full of lies, instant self gratification, in completion with everyone, they say the right things do the opposite, they are anxious about being real, say they are shy in public, it’s not shy it’s hard work being fake

I always felt like I was pretending to not be hurt, to be ok and to move on and I was pretending and it was so conflicting and felt so inauthentic. I actually want to see friends now and do nice things for myself and work towards my goal and my ex is becoming more of a dim flicker of light far away in the sea from my boat. It feels so nice and peaceful. I’m very grateful the chaos is all over.

"Attached" is a must read

I think one of the only reasons i will get back with my ex is because she is a phantom ex and so am i to her. 🤣🤣🤣 She has marked my soul!

I'm interested in someone I believe pretty hard is a DA. I believe he really wants the closeness, the acceptance and the love. But it all feels, scary and claustrophobic. So, since I'm leaning towards FA, I get triggers (but I'm really good at working on triggers). I have stated my interest, I have taken control over my triggers, and told him, and giving him space. At this stage we are at now. The ball is in his court. I have said, that if he wants to have contact with me. He knows where to find me. I believe this makes him feel like he has control and that his needs for space will be respected. And I believe that is probably the most important thing for someone with DA. Also, I'm now modeling a healthy way to communicate and hopefully we can build on that. Either way I'm happy to try this with him, I hardly ever feel something for someone, so at least I'm able to work in my triggers with him, and communicating my needs in a respectful maner. So, will see ❤😅